The Fortieth Confessional

If only I were catholic or part of some kind of religion that requires its patrons to constantly confess their sins. Since I am not I guess I do not have to worry about it. However, I can help to feel that I am leaving some things out. Because truthfully I have.

My life has pretty much has gone as fast as a turtle’s pace. Its sad to say that my life is beginning in my forties.

Why so late you ask?

Because I have made a lot and I mean a lot of mistakes. First off I am a sinner. I have no regrets about it. I had my daughter out of marriage. Yep, I am going to…. well never mind…I am a sinner. I married someone else. We weren’t compatible after a while. The marriage was terrible. We divorced. Yep, there is a place card there with my name on it. A spot just for me! I hope he is happier wherever he is because I definitely am!

After divorcing I had nothing but family to turn. There were some perks for going back home but not many. The biggest perk was knowing that my daughter was safe and that someone was around to look after her while I worked. If it were not for my family’s help and the support that they provided, my daughter and I would have been worse off. Majority of single parents don’t have a support system. So yes, I am blessed in that department.

After the divorce I had a lot to work on. Getting myself together was top priority. Yes, I suffer and occasionally still do with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It happens more when I am around someone who is a lot like my ex-husband. I have learned how to cope with that type of personality, all the same… it still gets to me. So I will not say a thing to that person but I will politely walk away from them. I can now understand why TW hates it when I say, “I’m sorry” because in that marriage that is all I ever did say. Everything, and I mean everything was my fault no matter what the situation was. Moving forward.

Once I removed myself and my daughter from that situation I got a full time job, and went back to college. I receive my degree from my local community college. I do plan on continuing on with my education to finish out with my bachelors. My local community college offers partnership programs with the larger universities around the state. I am hoping to get into Ohio University’s Communications Degree Program.

I’ve always said that I would complete college even if I were the little old lady that is featured on the news. Lord know what she will do with that bachelors degree at her age. However, she finished her goal and degree. In the mean time I am still working that shiftwork and I am very much grateful for it. I have come to terms with the saying, “Getting up super early to make that money!” Oh, and my workplace actually went back and strategized its new current plan. I guess after three weeks of paying out overtime of fourteen hours or better finally caught up with them. I know it caught up with us too. We are a happier crew now.

Ten hours is a cake walk compared to the fourteen. So no one is bring s’mores and camping gear in to work at all this past week. It felt wonderful. Alas, I cannot say the same for TW. He has had only one day off in the last three weeks. He is back to the seven days until they are completely caught up from the fiasco that put them behind. Until they are caught up….its more shiftwork! The poor guy is trying like the dickens to be pleasant but he is so exhausted. Trust me, I understand completely. So I don’t push, prod or poke the bear. I just keep praying that it will all come to an end and life will go back to normal. Plus keeping a positive attitude and encouragement that there will be a light at the end of this seems to make lite of things.

The one thing that is keeping TW going at the moment is the apartment. We got approved! And yes, we are even in our exhausted over worked state, we are excited! Both of us went through divorces and both of us are living with our families. Moving in together and moving forward with our lives together is wonderful. Leaving living in the country will be sorely missed but its not economically feasible. If we stayed out here it would be an hour drive into Cleveland. As of now I am already driving thirty minutes to my current job. That to me is a long enough commute. So moving closer to Cleveland and living in one of the smaller cities is more reasonable.

Is my daughter joining us?

No. She and I have talked it over. She is over the age of eighteen. She has her first year of college under her belt and had gotten to be more independent over the last nine months that she has been away from me. So she has decided that staying with her grandparents is a comfort base. To her, their home is home to her. Plus she will only be home for two months before returning back to college again. Therefore its not an insult to me as a mother, and I can understand where she is coming from completely. She knows that TW and I have our door open to her and that there is a place to lay her head if she ever needs it. On top of it all she knows that I put my life off for her and sacrificed a lot for her. So this is a go a head mom and start living your life. Lord knows you deserve happiness too.

Cheers for keeping things real with ya!

Cheers for happiness!

Lots of Love All,

Alex Victoria